Writing these "letters" has helped me to process life as a new mother, remain thankful, and come awake to the little moments that make this pretty challenging season simply wonderful.

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Day 159...wonderstruck

more than ever i am inspired to be a great mom for you kids.  why now?  why more now than ever before?  i'm not really sure why.  i guess i just look at you two and see how fast you are growing.  i hear your questions and i see the wonder in your and titus.  and it occurs to me, i have the most important job in the world.  i'm wonderstruck by the task at hand, and how God has placed us in families that live and move and breathe together, holding each other, catching each other's falls, sometimes causing them, laughing and crying together.  it's in me, this desire to be heroic, but it is not of me.  God made me the nurturer that I am, and i long to bless Him through it.  He is the One who gives me strength day in and day out to give sacrificially.  i feel dry a lot of times.  i run out of gas, or whatever this thing that propels me, sustains me.  and no, it aint the coffee! (although it feels like that sometimes)  but it comes to me again when i set my mind on Him.

it's a God-given force, motherhood.  a supernatural gift of God that goes overlooked and under-appreciated as such, mostly by mothers themselves, who struggle to find meaning and balance through it all.  i think it takes years to gain your footing and find that your identity isn't lost in your kids after all.  they simply add to you, multiplying the joys and the sorrows.  our identity is first in Christ, thankfully.  and being a parent challenges and accentuates every characteristic, good and bad, and leads you in the sanctification process.
it is a blessing and yet feels like a curse at times!  i am only joking, but in all honesty, staying at home with little ones running around can feel like it, i don't care who you are!  but at the end of the day, there is nothing more powerfully serene as the gift of a child to love.  so with that, i love you my dear, sweet daughter.  and i hope to show you that every day of your life!

Dear Sadie.

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