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365Expressions

Writing these "letters" has helped me to process life as a new mother, remain thankful, and come awake to the little moments that make this pretty challenging season simply wonderful.

Monday, November 26, 2012

Day 227...number our days

Kids are napping, all is right with the world.  Ha ha.

I have a moment, and I'm choosing to not do laundry, mop, read, or play on my iphone.  I choose to write.  Yea for me!

I have a feeling I should not have started out this letter project calling it a 365 day thing, expecting that I'd actually complete 365 letters to you!  What was I thinking?!  If anything, this should tell you I am quite an optimist.  It should also tell you that I am pretty tenacious to make it this far! AND, that I really like writing.

So many days have gone by that I simply have not been able to write.  When I look at the "number" of day I am on, I get discouraged because I know I should be much farther along and I think, Why did I think I could do this?  In hindsight, I wish I would have just said I'd write for a year's time, not write every day!  And then just write to you whenever I found the time.  1) I wouldn't feel like such a failure!  But 2) I probably wouldn't have gotten this far?  Maybe?  Who knows.  Maybe I should just accept my limits, and let this be a learning experience for me.  After all, life is one huge learning experiment, is it not?  Rather than set the bar high, set the learning curve high, right?!  That way we won't give ourselves such a hard time!

So I'm sitting here, tackling one more letter, loathing and loving at the same time (although the love is definitely winning out as usual!), and I think to myself, I could just take the numbered days out, that way when the big "1 year" deadline comes around, however many letters I have written will be enough!  But then, that wouldn't reflect truthfully this whole journey now, would it?  I want to be honest, even if it means sucking up my pride.  If I can't do it, oh well!  At least I tried!  And at most, I've learned a lot!  (and maybe you did too!?)

All these thoughts of days and numbers reminds me of something, "Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom" from Psalm 90:12.

I have always wondered what exactly this means, and why I should learn to number my days.  I guess I really shouldn't take those numbers off then, huh?  Maybe they can serve an even deeper purpose?

I don't know if my thinking is right, but I wonder if maybe God was reminding us to keep in mind that life is severely short.  And to make every day count.  And that when we do finally learn to number our days, we will find wisdom growing and ruling in our hearts as we live out each day.  I think that's safe to say!

So there.  I will keep the numbers, if for no other reason than to remind us to make.it.count.

Today I have been alive exactly 12,358 days.  It is so strange to think of this fact.  To think of my life in terms of days.  (How many more do I have left?  I hope for lots!!!  I want to live to watch you grow up and become a woman!  And Titus, a man!  And grow old with Daddy!  And hit the mission field once again!  And write a book!  And learn how to sew! (hey, anything is possible!)  I'm glad only God knows what my number is!  He won't tell me, but I know He wants me to live a life not wasteful or lackadaisical.  Perhaps if I did know my number, I might live out with extremity the things I am most passionate about...to make it all happen...to seek to know Him all the more, to follow my heart, and to make every present moment and every person matter!  I can't let knowing or not knowing determine my life.  But perhaps if I thought of my life in terms of days not years, I won't waste so many precious moments!  Ah...the light bulb is coming on now!

This could be what the psalmist was getting it.

Live as though I knew my number.  Live in terms of days.  Each is not for nothing.  
I may not know the total sum of them, but I can be certain of their worth.  

Life goes quickly.  Let's make it count.

Dear Sadie.

"Teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom." Psalm 90:12

(Want to find out how may days you've been alive?  Go to www.timeanddate.com/date/duration.html

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