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365Expressions

Writing these "letters" has helped me to process life as a new mother, remain thankful, and come awake to the little moments that make this pretty challenging season simply wonderful.

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Day 365...This is it

One year has gone by.
One year of writing my sweet daughter.
One year of reflecting on this unique, challenging, beautiful, and all-too short season of life as a young mom. (I think I'm still considered young?!)

365 days ago seemed like not that far, but looking at you and how much you've changed, it blows me away all that can happen in a year.  And to think tomorrow starts a new year of it.  A brand new year of 4 1/2 year-old girl passions: kittens and ballet. :)

A year ago I said I wanted to write you every day.  Did I do it?  Nope.  I missed a lot.  I disappointed myself.  But somewhere along the way I realized it mattered not that I stick to a list of rules to follow in order to complete a task.  It became more about the heart of the project. As I reflect on lessons learned through writing letters for this past year, that has to be one of the top on my list: whatever I do, let it flow from my heart.  If I just wasn't feeling it one day, I didn't write.  It took my awhile to get there.  I felt it better to sort of force something.  And in some practices, that is the best way for sure.  Self-discipline should not be overlooked.  But in this case I had to learn not to beat myself up for not living out guidelines.  It was in my heart to write every day, but I just couldn't do it in the end.  Just like it's in my heart to read my Bible every day, be nice to everyone I encounter, and so on.  But I have to live with the fact that I'm not perfect.  Wow, what a revelation!  But honestly, it is one when you accept your limitations and start living in the freedom of His joy and presence.  It's absolutely a real thing, and once you experience Him for yourself, you'll know what I am talking about.  But back to the letters...

I hope you've learned something along the way.  I know I have learned a lot about God, myself, life, etc. all just through the writing process.  I probably learned way more than I would have had I not written.  That leads me to ask the question, should I continue?

I told your daddy I would probably end it here.  It's bittersweet, yes.  But honestly, I'm looking forward to going even deeper this year.  I'll be journaling in my journal, so I can always let you read them later on.  But sometimes I am too guarded when writing Letters to Sadie, because, well, you are my daughter.  And there are some things I have to learn on my own.  Some things are better kept between me and God. But I will miss these sweet times we have shared.

I hope we will come back to these letters, you and I, and laugh at the silly mistakes I made, or the funny stories of young Sadie.  I like you at four.  I love you at every stage.  But I also like the thought of watching you grow up and mature into the woman God designed you to be.

I'll leave you with this verse that keeps popping up as a "life verse" for me right now.

It comes from Micah..."And what does the Lord require of you?  To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."  (6:8)

I pray that justice moves you to act on behalf of those who can't, that you become addicted to showing love and kindness to those who don't even deserve it, and that you become so satisfied with knowing your Father and being in such intimate fellowship with Him that you are ruined for all other gods.

I love you, my sweetheart.  My special girl.  My sister chick.

I miss you while we're apart (may it never be)
but you're always in my heart.

Dear Sadie.