Day 159...wonderstruck

more than ever i am inspired to be a great mom for you kids.  why now?  why more now than ever before?  i'm not really sure why.  i guess i just look at you two and see how fast you are growing.  i hear your questions and i see the wonder in your eyes...you and titus.  and it occurs to me, i have the most important job in the world.  i'm wonderstruck by the task at hand, and how God has placed us in families that live and move and breathe together, holding each other, catching each other's falls, sometimes causing them, laughing and crying together.  it's in me, this desire to be heroic, but it is not of me.  God made me the nurturer that I am, and i long to bless Him through it.  He is the One who gives me strength day in and day out to give sacrificially.  i feel dry a lot of times.  i run out of gas, or whatever this thing that propels me, sustains me.  and no, it aint the coffee! (although it feels like that sometimes)  but it comes to me again when i set my mind on Him.

it's a God-given force, motherhood.  a supernatural gift of God that goes overlooked and under-appreciated as such, mostly by mothers themselves, who struggle to find meaning and balance through it all.  i think it takes years to gain your footing and find that your identity isn't lost in your kids after all.  they simply add to you, multiplying the joys and the sorrows.  our identity is first in Christ, thankfully.  and being a parent challenges and accentuates every characteristic, good and bad, and leads you in the sanctification process.
it is a blessing and yet feels like a curse at times!  i am only joking, but in all honesty, staying at home with little ones running around can feel like it, i don't care who you are!  but at the end of the day, there is nothing more powerfully serene as the gift of a child to love.  so with that, i love you my dear, sweet daughter.  and i hope to show you that every day of your life!

Dear Sadie.

Day 158...Steps

I just keep thinking about how very far behind I am, now that the summer vacations have taken their toll.

It's so daunting I can't even think of things to write about like I used to.

But then I keep hearing...just keep going.  Don't give up.  Just take one letter at a time.  Don't think about all the other letters.

It makes it so much lighter of a problem when I think about that...one letter at a time.  One step at a time.

Kind of like life, isn't it?  If you think about the whole journey, a lifetime of this or that, it seems overwhelming.  Even stepping into motherhood, leaving "just the two of us" behind.  Or marriage, leaving the singlehood behind.  Whatever the case may be, one step at a time.  One letter.  One message.  One story.  One.  Two.  Three.

Dear Sadie.

Day 157...Beach Babies

Some pointers on taking a toddler and a preschooler on a beach vacation...

Rule #1...Don't expect to lie on the beach for longer than 60 seconds.

Rule #2...Even though naps take away from time in the sun, they also rejuvenate your kids and you'll be happy they are happy and can make it through the rest of the day without any meltdowns.  So make the sacrifice because it's well worth it.

Rule #3...It takes about 5 days for kids to get settled into their new environment, so make it a 2 week trip!

Rule #4...Plan taking turns to take kids up for naps ahead of time, that way you both (mom and dad) know what to expect.

Rule #5...Sunglasses and hats are a must-have for all...so make sure they've had practice before going and don't take no for an answer.

Rule #6...A little bit of pressure but a whole lot of patience.  Sand and waves are a lot to take in.  They'll get into it eventually, and they'll love it.

Rule #7...Save chairs by a table with an umbrella, beds by the pool, and under a tent at the beach, and you're covered for all the rotating they'll want to do!

Rule #8...Get ready to have some fun with your kids. It's an excellent time to bond.  Don't waste the trip sitting back and watching them explore.  Have a ball and be a kid again!

Rule #9...It's best if you can go with additional family members like we did.  Share the load, and the fun!  Plus extra eyes to watch the kiddos wander off.

Rule #10...Just go for it!

Dear Sadie.

Day 156...i think i can i think i can

i am so far behind on my commitment to write you every day for a year...do i quit?  do i keep going?  is it too much for me?  part of me wants to say yes.  the other part, my heart, says keep going.  i'm going to follow my heart.

two vacations just made this doubly hard.  i have loved the vacations, but i also love writing.  it's been a source (yet not the source) of peace of and joy for me these last 156 days.  so i will keep going.  praying for the flow to pick up again and not stop!

Dear Sadie.

Day 156...one word

One word comes to my mind about motherhood today...resilience.

Dear Sadie.

Day 155...my special girl

today it is starting to hit me just how old you and your brother are getting...especially you.  titus is turning into well, a boy! :)  and you...you are turning into such a little lady.  a darling girl.  and there's very little I can't at least try and discuss at this age.  you are my best girl.  you are a GOOD girl.  you teach me so much and make me want to be a better person.  i never knew being a parent could be this life-changing.  thank you my special, special girl!

Dear Sadie.

(P.S. just 2 more days of being three!  help!)

Day 154...regrets

They say "never have any regrets."  That's crazy.  I have regrets all of the time.  I don't know what they mean, those people who say that.  Do they mean, be proud of everything you do, even your mistakes?  That's absurd!  Mistakes can be okay, sure.  But never regret anything?  To me, a regret is something you wish you could have done differently.  It's true we get just one life to live before entering eternity.  It's true we should not live stuck in the past.  It's true we should not let our mistakes overwhelm us.  But honestly, you're not being honest with yourself if you can't admit from time to time, I wish I had done that differently.  That's perfectly okay, and dare I say, normal.  I'm not going to make a list of regrets here and now for you. I just wanted you to know, you can list them, and you gotta move on.  Let the Lord lead you; you'll never regret that.

Dear Sadie.