Day 153...fears

Today I was thinking about how fear grips your little heart.  You can get into such a panic sometimes.

It's pretty clear to us now that your biggest fears are loud things...like fireworks, fire engines and automatic-flushing toilets.  These are your worst enemies.

I wonder...when you're all grown up and we're laughing about these silly fears, what will you be afraid of then?  Being alone?  Losing someone you love?  Driving? :)  I pray no fears will ever overtake you.  The Lord is with you, do not be afraid.  He watches over you and is gracious to you.  He is the peace provider.  Fixing your eyes and letting your heart worship Him through everything will guard your heart and your mind.

Dear Sadie.

Day 152...Thrive Not Survive

I came to the realization the other day, that it's not just me, and it's not just your daddy, that is the one in a difficult place, a not-so-appealing-to-us place.  Both of us are in what they call "hard times."  And it's not that I'm not loving being a mother.  And it's not that he doesn't love being a manager.  But for me, if I could just be a mom (as if there were such a thing!), then I would.  Taking care of a "third" child several times a week has not been easy on me.  It sounds like such a minor thing, but it has truly tested me.  And I have to say, I fail on a daily basis.  And your daddy, well he's just hanging in there by the skin of his teeth.  He doesn't like where he's at in his job, and there seems to be no where to go at the moment.  Talk about feeling stuck.  When times like these hit, expect them to really put a strain on your marriage.  Your daddy and I aren't well-trained in putting God at the center of us yet, sad to say.  But I know He is there somewhere, and helping us along the way.  If we were to pray more together, spend time with Him together, I know we'd be out of survival mode for sure.  I hate survival mode (you reminded me today that "hate" is such a bad word--so I should say "dislike" as I did with you earlier).  No one should ever survive, they should thrive, when the Lord is the Lord of them.

Dear Sadie.

Day 151..."Best Friends Forever"

Seeing old friends over my vacation really took me back.  They know a part of me, someone I once was, that only they and a few others will ever know.  They know my adolescent years where I was silly and goofy, emotional and dramatic, active and energetic, and when "friends were friends forever."

There's something about13-15 that is like no other time in your life.  I think it's the rawest time in your life, when you're old enough to know better, and young enough not to care.

We did some crazy things together.  Some things I will love to tell you about someday, some things I may never tell you.  These were the days of crushing on boys and riding our bikes.  Trips to the malls and trips to the beach.  Sleepovers and endless chats on phones.  We were kids and not yet adults.  We were the bearers of each others souls.

Now we are adults and barely know each other in our grown states, but our memories are forever locked away in each other's hearts---the changing years where we were daring and doting.

Make the best of these years, they are unique and fleeting.  Choose your friends well, and let them choose you.

Dear Sadie.

Day 150...stand tall, be brave

When things start to look bad, they'll only get worse if you panic and try to stick your head in a hole and wait for it to pass.  But, if you stand tall and brave and keep your eyes on the One who Goes Before You, no matter how you feel, you will not lose.  He will fight for you, and you find out what it means to rest in Him.

Dear Sadie.

"no, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us" Romans 8:37

Day 149...late movie night

tonight i let you stay up and watch Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe.
you are so very tired, but staying up for every minute of it, asking questions, enthralled.  no shut eye here!  that's my girl!

Dear Sadie.

Day 148...my mean day

The other day I was so, so tired.  I was "working" that day (watching baby Emma), and your daddy was off with us, having a day at the pool together.  I didn't have great sleep the night before (and I should head to bed now that I'm thinking of it!), so I was extremely tired all day.  When I get like that, the whole world seems to cave in on me.  I just felt like being mean. I knew it was wrong, so rather than keep saying or doing mean things, I just had to turn everything off.  I tried not to speak.  Tried not to make any eye contact or connect with anyone too much at all.  I felt this was the best damage control I could do.  Later when I was talking to your daddy about it, realizing some stress besides lack of sleep was causing my intense emotions, I just cried in his arms.  We both are missing each other, on top of many other heavy things we are "dealing" with, and it felt could to just cry about it.  But for sure, sleep is so very important.  I'm learning this more and more as I get older, and hope you learn soon as well (my little party animal girl who loves to stay up).

Dear Sadie.

Day 147...Puppy and Pray

Tonight you hobbled into our bedroom after already having been tucked in and you said so drowsily, "I need my puppy and oray."  (something to that effect)  Daddy and I just looked at each other thinking 1) how adorable is that! and 2) how could we have forgotten to do that?  I know I've mentioned it before, but you keep reminding me again and again to pray with my children!  How is that my child is the one to remind me so much to pray with my children! :)  So thank you!

Dear Sadie.