Day 63...Jesus is here!

Dear Sadie,

Tonight you were jumping up and down when I found the story about the Resurrection on a VHS, way back behind all of our tapes.  We had been talking about Jesus and his death and resurrection, with the coming of this weekend’s celebrations, and so when we stumbled upon it, you were ecstatic. But you took it to another level that blew me away.  Maybe it was tiredness.  Maybe it was your three-ness.  But I happen to think it was more.  When I said we were going to watch it, and watch it right now, you started jumping up and down and said three times in a row, twice, “Jesus is here! Jesus is here!  Jesus is here!”  Your jubilant exclamations blew me away and lifted my spirit, even though it was not heavy, as I thought, Yes He IS!  I felt a cool breeze in my spirit.  No matter what the reason your childlike faith had for exclaiming these words, your mommy was blessed.  And I know you know, without the need for rhyme or reason, that Jesus is here.

We watched the video three times and I got to watch the story unfolding in your little heart as you took it in each time.

Love,

Mommy

“…to give His life as a ransom for many” Mark 10:45

Day 62...Influence

Dear Sadie,

I’ve had a lot of thoughts lately on impact.  That is, on the idea of personal impact that we can have.  Influence.  Purpose.  Are we here just to dwell?  Live in the land?  Then what?  Personally, I have no doubt that we are here for a purpose.  Scripture lays that out for you pretty well.  There’s a broad sense of purpose, but too, there is a specific kind of personal, focused impact that individuals are to have on their circle of influence.  I think sometimes we get caught up comparing ourselves to the “greats” that we miss out on opportunities for impacting others with the love of Christ (something all believers are called to).  If I look at the big successes of our day, or even days past, I could say, “I’m never going to be that influential,” and then wonder what I’m supposed to be doing, because I will never get there.  I realize this rambling is very vague.  But what I am trying to say is this.  The love of Christ is powerful.  And if you focus more on the quality of love, rather than the quantity of love you are able to spread, you will have made a huge impact on this world.  Having our gaze fixed on others can sometimes suck the life out of our own lives, what we are supposed to be doing.  Who we are to be.  Whom we are to live for.  We are to be salt and light…love your neighbor…give freely…spread the gospel…lay down our lives…walk in the light as He is in the light.  All of these you will soon discover in your own time.  But what I want you to grasp is that if your lens is focused on the amount of people you can influence with your life, your art, your love, you may never take the first step.  Always intimacy with Christ comes first, for without Him there is no flow.  Then out of Him, shower those you are intimately connected to; do not skip those for a larger number of recipients, nor give them the scraps.  Invite them to dine at the table of your heart.  I think you’ll get what I mean as you go along.  If you only love one person deeply and greatly and with your whole heart, as opposed to a million just grazing the surface with them, I think the one is better.  Jesus looks after the one.  And if we ALL take care of the flock God gives us, a LOT of people will be coming into the Kingdom with this sweeping love anyways, won’t they?

Love,

Mommy

“And when he finds it he joyfully puts it on his shoulders.” Luke 15:5

Day 61...The cool kid

Dear Sadie,

The other day I was looking at your brother standing there looking very cool in his dark cargo jean shorts, gray skateboarding t-shirt, and black & white slip-on Adidas. He looked like a true “cool kid.”  But he’s only one!  I think about just how great it is to be able to dress you kids in whatever we think you should be wearing, and you just have to wear it!  You don’t really have a say in the matter.  Even at three, you never really have an opinion.  You have things you like more than others, but you never complain or fight me.  Yet! J  I can’t help but think about how this applies to other areas of parenting.  How long can I portray you in the colors and lights that I choose?  For now, I am the one who interprets your talents, your personality, your likes and dislikes, and just about everything about you.  But soon, you and Titus will be standing on your own two feet.  No longer will we dress you, literally or figuratively.  You are going to shine in your own true colors.  And it may not be what I would choose, but you will wear what Christ has put in you and your differences will make you unique in Him.  I will encourage this in you, and pray that you will be true to yourself, not conform to what others think you should be, and show yourself as hidden in Christ.  Because it is there that you will shine the brightest in all of the colors He has chosen for you.

Love,

Mommy

Day 60...Mom Mania

Dear Sadie,
Three days in a row of three small children and not much adult interaction.  Not my first choice, or my cup of tea.  But...it's not about me, and I don't drink tea anyways.

On our way home from a much-needed "jumping place" outing I get the urge to call my cousin and check in, and I get this crazy idea to ask her if she needs me to take her 3 year-old off her hands.  Her very adorable, very curious 3 year-old.   Some might call her high maintenance.  But I say you basically have to just make sure you are watching her every moment.  What is wrong with me?!  I'm totally drained from three very full days of baby-watching, baby-feeding, baby-juggling, etc., and now I'm giving up more of my time to watch yet another kid, and for free?  Just for fun?  And not only that, I agree to let her spend the night....for the first time!  This is the first night you've ever had anyone sleep in your room!  Talk about unknowns.  Talk about tiresome.  Talk about crazy!

Call me spontaneous...brave...stupid.  Daddy called me a glutton for punishment!  Hey, wanting to help is a good thing, right?  And you could have a playmate--you love playing with each other!  I can handle it, right?!

Okay, so sometimes I don't think things through. I like different things going on, anything out of the ordinary.
I don't like  to think things all the way through because that takes the FUN out of it, okay?  And besides, my cousin will benefit from a semi-night off (she also has a 7 month-old).

So how'd it turn out?  Awesome!  "Tangled" and popcorn, a venture to WALMART for a shopping spree for Lailey, a run in the yard, little play time and then nighty-night.  And it only took 30 minutes of good-nights and bedtime warnings.  Not bad!!!  So we did it!  Everyone's happy, sound asleep, and though I am tired, I am glad we had our fun.  These are memories we will never forget.

Hey, if you don't take risks, live on the edge, you don't have stories to tell.  Right?  What's the fun in that?

I admire my husband for knowing his limits and sticking to them (he does, except when it comes to eating food).  Me?  I jump in and then either laugh or cry about it later!

Tonight, I am full of joy and loving this season.  This fun, exciting, most challenging season of my life, EVER.

Love,
Mommy

Day 59...Planted by Streams of Water

Dear Sadie,

I cannot believe that yesterday I was praying about and considering taking on another child…and a newborn at that!  A lady gave me a call a week or so ago, a friend of a friend.  She was looking for someone to watch her newborn when she goes back to work through the end of May.  We are so desperate for the money I actually considered it. I said, “I may be crazy,” as I was texting my friend for more details.  Because in exchange for money it would surely expend my sanity!  Today was “one of those days.”  Today must have been my answer to prayer.  I kept picturing a newborn in the mix of my three “three and under” children, stretching me as a thin as a sheet trying to be fitted on a bed one size bigger, saying to myself, “no way!”

The day began with a massive migraine and a step-up-to-the-plate husband taking care of you two exuberant and hungry kiddos early this morning.  We all awoke at 7:30am to the sound of Titus crying and wailing “wa wa” (water) because he had soaked his PJs through.  I could do nothing other than bury my head in the pillow and remind your daddy of my headache carried over from the night before.

I simply cannot retell all of the chaos of the day like I have many times before.  It was messy.  It was humbling. Tiresome to say the least.  You watched more T.V. than I care to admit.  I can hardly imagine any other type of work being as draining as mothering three small children.  I really can’t.  The part that makes me sad right now is that I want to be creative and do a variety of things with you, my little pre-preschooler, ready to run to the classroom in a matter of months.  You are growing up with each passing day and I just regret that I don’t get to sit down with you and create things that I know you’d enjoy creating.  It makes me sad.  I do get Thursdays-Sundays with you…but these days can seem an eternity long, and I can’t help but feel like we are missing out on precious time together.  When I see you having to play by yourself in the pool because I can’t be apart from the two babies, I just sigh and later console myself that it’s only part-time this way.  I have rarely felt so spent that I could not even put into words for your daddy just how exhausted I am.  The physical exhaustion is masked by the emergency mocha Frappuccino I had tonight, thank you, Lord!  But the mental fatigue I feel is the scariest part.  Feeling weighed down and disheveled by the unkempt house and the crowdedness of my heart, I seek to find rest and peace now in the nighttime.  Two tuckered out kids in bed, I long to be with the Lord and know His Presence afresh.  He is the only one that can center me and make me feel new again.   He is the one I need.  I’m thankful for a husband who stepped in tonight and helped with some chores.  If it weren’t for him I wouldn’t be finding the clarity to write right now.  I am mindful to be thankful for my blessings and not overwhelmed at the burden of child-rearing.  It is a joy inexpressible, and I wouldn’t change a thing.  I feel like the Psalmist who starts by writing, “Woe is me!  Avenge me and kill my enemies!” and finishes with “Thanks be to God!” 

No matter how dry or empty you feel, He can sustain you with water that never runs dry.  These are the times that fruit is born and character is produced.  I love my God and the fact that He never leaves me alone or empty-handed.  I always have the Word to ground me.  His love rooted deep.

May you always live in His presence, Precious.

Love you my girl,

Mommy

“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.”  Romans 12:12


Also Psalm 1:2-3 "..."His delight is on the law of the Lord.  And on His law he meditates day and night.  He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither.  Whatever he does prospers."

Day 58...Simply Blessed!

Dear Sadie,

Today I was just thinking about how I haven’t had many horrible stories to tell in these letters.  I haven’t had to recount sad tales.  I haven’t had a whole lot of frustration.  Although I feel it's kind of boring, from a writer's perspective, I really do feel so blessed to be in this life!  Sure, things aren’t all perfect right now.  But I guess I have come to the understanding that they never will be, so why sit around and wait for perfection? Not only that, I am overwhelmed by God’s love all of the time.  I’m enthusiastically mothering two wonderful children that continuously amaze me.  And I am learning (slowly) how to love my husband the way he needs and deserves, on a daily basis.  That right there is a lot to take in!  I can’t believe I don’t find myself just complaining and giving long accounts of trials or struggles.  The Lord truly has us in His hands, and I fully trust Him for salvation, deliverance, love, support and success.  I am a child of God!

Love,

Mommy

Day 57...Happy Trails

Dear Sadie,

Your daddy and I started off kind of rough this morning.  I had a spontaneous idea in the shower as we’re getting ready (and running late due to sleeping in) for our Sunday gathering.  Why not take a last-minute camping trip? We can throw things together and jump in the car and go!  Seeing that this was not going over too well with Daddy, I suggest maybe a day trip?  Maybe… Rolling the idea over in his head, we bounce ideas and opinions back and forth for about an hour.  I even get you kids in the car to go to church. Halt!  Stop!  We are going to go on a trip! –Daddy says, now.  Okay, now we’re getting out of the car.  I slam breakfast around on the stove, decidedly hungry and unwilling to postpone feeding my belly for one more minute over this drawn-out discussion.  Arguing can sure take the fun out of spontaneity! I don’t even have the desire to go—now I just want to go to church late!  So I finally settle down and realize I’m reacting from tiredness from having stayed up too late the night before.  Your daddy and I finally work things out, and then get things moving, packing, heading out the door for our spontaneous family outing.  It was a beautiful day.  The drive in our new van was comfortable for all.  The animals at Yellow River Game Ranch were friendly and happy to see us.  

It was rough getting there, but it was yet another learning experience.  Don’t try to be spontaneous when you’re tired.  Don’t spring things on your husband when he’s not awake yet.  Don’t raise your voice in front of the kids (or at all for that matter).  When you want to be spontaneous, give your calculating husband at least a day or two to think it over. J 

Love,

Mommy

P.S. The rabbits and chicks were your favorite!