Day 59...Planted by Streams of Water

Dear Sadie,

I cannot believe that yesterday I was praying about and considering taking on another child…and a newborn at that!  A lady gave me a call a week or so ago, a friend of a friend.  She was looking for someone to watch her newborn when she goes back to work through the end of May.  We are so desperate for the money I actually considered it. I said, “I may be crazy,” as I was texting my friend for more details.  Because in exchange for money it would surely expend my sanity!  Today was “one of those days.”  Today must have been my answer to prayer.  I kept picturing a newborn in the mix of my three “three and under” children, stretching me as a thin as a sheet trying to be fitted on a bed one size bigger, saying to myself, “no way!”

The day began with a massive migraine and a step-up-to-the-plate husband taking care of you two exuberant and hungry kiddos early this morning.  We all awoke at 7:30am to the sound of Titus crying and wailing “wa wa” (water) because he had soaked his PJs through.  I could do nothing other than bury my head in the pillow and remind your daddy of my headache carried over from the night before.

I simply cannot retell all of the chaos of the day like I have many times before.  It was messy.  It was humbling. Tiresome to say the least.  You watched more T.V. than I care to admit.  I can hardly imagine any other type of work being as draining as mothering three small children.  I really can’t.  The part that makes me sad right now is that I want to be creative and do a variety of things with you, my little pre-preschooler, ready to run to the classroom in a matter of months.  You are growing up with each passing day and I just regret that I don’t get to sit down with you and create things that I know you’d enjoy creating.  It makes me sad.  I do get Thursdays-Sundays with you…but these days can seem an eternity long, and I can’t help but feel like we are missing out on precious time together.  When I see you having to play by yourself in the pool because I can’t be apart from the two babies, I just sigh and later console myself that it’s only part-time this way.  I have rarely felt so spent that I could not even put into words for your daddy just how exhausted I am.  The physical exhaustion is masked by the emergency mocha Frappuccino I had tonight, thank you, Lord!  But the mental fatigue I feel is the scariest part.  Feeling weighed down and disheveled by the unkempt house and the crowdedness of my heart, I seek to find rest and peace now in the nighttime.  Two tuckered out kids in bed, I long to be with the Lord and know His Presence afresh.  He is the only one that can center me and make me feel new again.   He is the one I need.  I’m thankful for a husband who stepped in tonight and helped with some chores.  If it weren’t for him I wouldn’t be finding the clarity to write right now.  I am mindful to be thankful for my blessings and not overwhelmed at the burden of child-rearing.  It is a joy inexpressible, and I wouldn’t change a thing.  I feel like the Psalmist who starts by writing, “Woe is me!  Avenge me and kill my enemies!” and finishes with “Thanks be to God!” 

No matter how dry or empty you feel, He can sustain you with water that never runs dry.  These are the times that fruit is born and character is produced.  I love my God and the fact that He never leaves me alone or empty-handed.  I always have the Word to ground me.  His love rooted deep.

May you always live in His presence, Precious.

Love you my girl,

Mommy

“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.”  Romans 12:12


Also Psalm 1:2-3 "..."His delight is on the law of the Lord.  And on His law he meditates day and night.  He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither.  Whatever he does prospers."