Dear Sadie,
So I guess it's time for a recap. I don't want these letters to come off so pompous and know-it-all. I hope what I'm trying to convey comes through, and just in case it doesn't....
I want to make sure you know that you don't have to be like me! When I give advice, it's just me sharing my heart, not so you can do what I did, or love what I love. I know I share a lot from my own experiences through these letters, but these letters are just as much for me as they are for you. You can take them as you will. I learn through expression. Writing helps me to name what's going on in the chaos. Writing helps me to get out what's in my head, and makes things a lot less crowded in there. So in doing this for myself just as much as for you, I hope you know that I don't have all the answers....I'm simply processing through life in this season. I'm paying attention more, now that I'm writing you. I'm being present more. I'm not hurrying to the next thing. (i never liked hurrying anyways!) I'm not looking to be perfect. Writing is helping me to embrace life and trust God. There's no way I'm going to be able to summarize all of the reasons why I'm doing what I'm doing. I just wanted to reiterate, again, because this is a journey, that I will always be learning and growing forever, right along side of you. And you will continue to teach me things I could never have learned on my own, which is one of the many reasons I am thankful for you and adore you so much.
Today I had to get out of the house again, so I took you both to my mom's where Daddy joined us and took you from there to home to put you in bed. This all so I could "get away" for a moment!! Desperate measures! :) Why so desperate? Just a full day, actually a full three days of poops and spills and "mama!s" I needed a break, what can I say? I got a little short with you when you wouldn't stop talking to Tabby while she was talking. So when I came home this evening to re-tuck you in bed, because you're always throwing the covers off through the night, I stopped for a moment to drink you in. You lied there so peacefully, so pretty and small. As I tucked you, kissing your soft cheeks, I apologized to your sleepy head.
After seeing you so innocent and sweet, I was transported to seeing you and hearing you the way you were meant to be received again, cherished. I'm sorry for every time I lose my patience with you. I know I will do it again and again, but I cling to the Lord to increase to the fullest measures in me, so I can completely love you at all times. You are worth every break needed.
Love,
Mommy
"May grace and peace by yours in the fullest measure." I Peter 1:2
4.25
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