Dear Sadie,
Being a stay-at-home mom has shown me, more than anything I think, that life is made up of moments, and if I slow down enough to take them in as they come, I will be a much happier person and mom at this stage. If you're not careful, you can end up chasing things that will never be caught, like keeping a house perpetually perfect, or keeping your kids acting perfect all of the time, or like trying to figure out what your purpose is while simply trying to maintain your sanity. All just leads to stress, anxiety or depression without the proper perspective. Two powerful pills for fighting the battles of a stay-at-home mom, 1) let it go 2) be present. If you do those two things, you will be able to see what God is doing, moment by moment. Fear, anxiety, anger, loneliness, depression, etc. has to flee when we see God right now. His presence causes the heaviness to lift.
Today, there were a couple of moments that stood out to me, among many. I am thankful for these letters that have helped me see them and then give them a name. I am glad for this opportunity to remember them as well. One was when you stopped me for a moment and said with a squinty-eyed, cheesy-smile face, "I like that, Mommy, when you smile at me big like this." I could see my face in yours, and it made me feel so proud to see that you were that familiar with me, and could express it to me with such joy and adoration. It was one of those awe moments that makes me full of gratitude for the quiet moments like these, where we have time to sit and do something like learn how to use scissors together. In this busy, fast-paced, media-spinning world, little moments matter all the more.
The second happy moment that made an impression on me, shining even brighter than the hot April sun, was when I brushed Titus' tiny, almost two year-old teeth. This is probably the third time I've brushed his teeth, and he was the one that reminded me as we passed the bathroom. Pointing to his teeth, he said, "Tee! Tee!" The moment the brush touched his mouth was the moment the giggles came. As I attempted to clean those new, pretty little teeth, he scrunched up his face like a little old Muppet man, giggling all the while. Definitely the cutest moment of the day.
As I said before, life is made up of moments. I take little snapshots in my mind, as full-time work as a mom has taught me to do. With a paused gaze I like to breathe in and say, "Yes, Lord, this is worth it." Of course a lot of sacrifice happens with staying at home. It has its pitfalls as anything does. But what's amazing to me is all of the "behind the scenes" things that go on, that only moms (and dads) know about, that just take your breath away. The smallest, most insignificant, non news-making, never flashy moments that no one but stay-at-home parents fully get to experience.
Love,
Mommy
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