Dear Sadie,
I'm so glad life happens in seasons. That way, if we start to get overwhelmed with this one, we can just say, "Change will come again soon," or "This, too, shall pass." It seems I always reach a point of saying Enough! when it comes to actual climatic conditions. Like when our hot and sticky Georgia summer lingers and I am sick of hibernating indoors in the luxurious AC. Then Fall swoops in to save the day, my favorite hero of all seasons, cooling me off to the fresh outdoors and blowing my mind with colors so vibrant it's unreal, yet not so cold that I want to be bundled up inside. Change is always around the corner, which is why we have to strive so much to remain present in our present situation and atmosphere. These conditions will never be the same. So look around and pay attention, and gather it all up before it is gone. Just about anyone able to express it would say the same thing. I've even heard of a 1st Grader, in passing the Kindergarten classroom, and in essence he said, "Those were the days."
I look back already, the newness of thirties now wearing off, no outstanding wrinkles to loathe or gray hairs to color just yet. Just old enough, I look back to my childhood when playing outside with the neighborhood kids was like breathing air. I look back to high school when I walked the halls concentrating on not looking like I was concentrating on anything or anyone. I look back on college when my ties to home were cut suddenly and the freedom which led me to strange places and wandering choices. I look back on my days overseas teaching foreign faces and walking beside cars stuck in traffic on narrow streets that smelled of sesame oil and pharmaceuticals. I look back on the newlywed life of no necessary budget and dating all of the time. Now I look at this season, and if I had to call it anything, it'd be Spring, and how timely, too. Spring because my heart is coming alive to my circumstances. Spring because finally the flowers are blooming, and I take notice long enough for it to bring a smile to my face. Spring because the early days of motherhood can seem so cold and dark and lonely, and I'm now warm and able to see enough to appreciate the blessings it brings amidst the untrimmed flowerbeds that have sat all Winter. It's not all fun and games like Summer, but it's a time for transformation, and my heart knows it.
I hope you too can look around and pay attention to the atmosphere around you, whatever season you are in. There are always things you want to change, some things you are grateful for, some people you will struggle with. When looking back, out of all of the stuff I miss most about each season, it's the people my heart aches for the most. Girlfriends...teachers...boyfriends...mentors...family members. Too far in distance, some seemingly from a former life. It's the people who made each fragment of time unforgettable, and now in corners of my mind, even mythical. I can't go back, but framed in my heart, I cherish what each person brought to who I am today. No, I can't go back, but I can squeeze the sponge of today and promise myself to not miss a drop. For each one, each person and each moment, watered my thirsty soul.
This Spring, I hope to make you laugh as much as I can when you beg me to play with you, to make your Beanie Babies talk to each other, because one day you'll want me to leave the room so you can talk to your friend on the phone.
This Spring, I hope to pay attention to my babbling Titus every time he wants to look and point and talk about everything he sees when he's resting on my arm, because one day he will want to internalize it all, and I'll wonder about his thoughts when he finally can make verbal sense.
This Spring, I hope to love and support my ambitious husband who is growing every stronger as a leader in business, community and home.
This Spring, I hope to pay attention to every person God plants in my life, every moment a seed for me to attend to, for they all serve a unique purpose and hold special places in my garden.
I will hurry up and slow down so not one miracle will be missed.
Love,
Mommy
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