Day 70...Minor Moments Matter Majorly

Dear Sadie,
Being a stay-at-home mom has shown me, more than anything I think, that life is made up of moments, and if I slow down enough to take them in as they come, I will be a much happier person and mom at this stage.  If you're not careful, you can end up chasing things that will never be caught, like keeping a house perpetually perfect, or keeping your kids acting perfect all of the time, or like trying to figure out what your purpose is while simply trying to maintain your sanity.  All  just leads to stress, anxiety or depression without the proper perspective.  Two powerful pills for fighting the battles of a stay-at-home mom, 1) let it go 2) be present.  If you do those two things, you will be able to see what God is doing, moment by moment.  Fear, anxiety, anger, loneliness, depression, etc. has to flee when we see God right now.  His presence causes the heaviness to lift.

Today, there were a couple of moments that stood out to me, among many.  I am thankful for these letters that have helped me see them and then give them a name.  I am glad for this opportunity to remember them as well.  One was when you stopped me for a moment and said with a squinty-eyed, cheesy-smile face, "I like that, Mommy, when you smile at me big like this."  I could see my face in yours, and it made me feel so proud to see that you were that familiar with me, and could express it to me with such joy and adoration.  It was one of those awe moments that makes me full of gratitude for the quiet moments like these, where we have time to sit and do something like learn how to use scissors together.  In this busy, fast-paced, media-spinning world, little moments matter all the more.

The second happy moment that made an impression on me, shining even brighter than the hot April sun, was when I brushed Titus' tiny, almost two year-old teeth.  This is probably the third time I've brushed his teeth, and he was the one that reminded me as we passed the bathroom.  Pointing to his teeth, he said, "Tee!  Tee!"  The moment the brush touched his mouth was the moment the giggles came.  As I attempted to clean those new, pretty little teeth, he scrunched up his face like a little old Muppet man, giggling all the while.  Definitely the cutest moment of the day.

As I said before, life is made up of moments.  I take little snapshots in my mind, as full-time work as a mom has taught me to do.  With a paused gaze I like to breathe in and say, "Yes, Lord, this is worth it."  Of course a lot of sacrifice happens with staying at home.  It has its pitfalls as anything does.  But what's amazing to me is all of the "behind the scenes" things that go on, that only moms (and dads) know about, that just take your breath away.  The smallest, most insignificant, non news-making, never flashy moments that no one but stay-at-home parents fully get to experience.

Love,
Mommy

Day 69...Elephants and Butterflies

Dear Sadie,
Who knew someone would make up a game of an elephant blowing butterflies out of his upright trunk for you to catch with a net!  Well, someone did.  You love this game, and you are very excited to play it when we get it out.  But the excitement is short-lived, as you start to get pretty frustrated. Catching those light-as-a-feather paper butterflies shooting out the top of the four foot elephant's trunk is a feat even for me!  I watched today as you became more and more frustrated at the unpredictability of the game, eyes glued, net in place, ready to snatch. I couldn't help but think about how life brings us to feel this way so often.  I am excited and thinking I'm up for a new challenge or a new opportunity, when the butterfly that seemed to be easily landing ever so gently into my net, suddenly and unexpectedly darts a slight right.  Oops.  Missed that one. I try again.  I fail again.  I look down with shoulders slumped.  Meanwhile, other butterflies are darting out the top, falling this way and that, and I'm missing my next chance because I'm defeated and discouraged.  Why try?  While I watched you give it your all, over and over again, I cheered you on, 'You can do it!'  'Keep looking!'  'Here comes one!'  I kept encouraging you not to give up.  Soon you were hunched over again, and you would take your eyes off the target, missing the opportune butterfly waiting to fall your way.  I could feel your pain.  Trying to encourage you that it was only a game, and to try and have fun going for it, I thought to myself how typical this felt.  How many times do we feel like giving up?  Not every butterfly works out the way we want it to.  Some get carried away on purpose and were never meant to land in our net.  That's God's way of looking after us.  Some get stolen by the enemy's schemes.  Some are missed because we weren't paying attention, but looking down in disappointment over the last failed attempt.  We have to be ready for what God has for us.  Looking up.  This is what it means to enter into God's rest.  We have our eyes fixed on the right "place" (Jesus), and our hearts are in the game, not lost.  In other words, we don't lose heart.  We have to work in cooperation with the Holy Spirit to catch all that comes to our way in His grace and favor and time.  Every opportunity to love, to minister, to serve, to work, to enjoy comes in seasons and in waves.  Not everything will happen as we expect it to, but in our trust in Him we find rest.  Always.  Period.  This peace surpasses what our mind can comprehend when we set our hearts like flint.  like Jesus.  We work and strive, but with joy and with gratitude.  We fall down sometimes, and moments are stolen, but we keep going forward, protected by His wings of grace.  As I cheer you on, in games and in life, I will strive to stay in this rest myself, for I know it's the best kind of dwelling.

I'm glad you we got to play this game together.  Even though you quit after 3 rounds, I know you'll want to play again. And I'll be there rooting for you.

Love,
Mommy

"I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:14

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." Galatians 6:9

Day 68...Patience

Dear Sadie,
As a parent, you will find your patience is a virtue that will be tested over and over again.  Today was one of those days.  Alone with three little ones, by 6pm it takes its toll.  At the dinner table, I inhaled my food so I could get past the noise.  There was an energy, a loud energy, running through and bouncing off of each one of you, and mommy had reached her limit.  Trying to remain calm, I just didn't try to micromanage every little thing.  This is what they call survival mode I guess.  Then Daddy came home.  Phew!  What did I do next?  I head out the door!  I took you with me, but I really needed separation from our little guy.  It's not that I don't love everything about him, he just has days, more and more of them, that he gets loud and kind of hyper for no reason.  He's becoming more a boy every day!  I'm not sure if I'm ready for this yet!

So you and I went for a drive, and already the peace and quite of the car ride was soothing to my soul.  We went to my mom's for a couple of hours.  Then by the end of the evening, you put up a little fight about not wanting to use the potty.  At home, Daddy is dealing with a wound up, tired boy, not wanting to go to sleep.  This is crazy!  He is usually pretty much putting himself in the bed almost every night!  Both daddy and I felt like saying, "I'm done!"

I'm so glad our Father never quits on us.  He is always patient.  His faithfulness and love never tire.  Never does His patience run out.  Aren't you glad?  He never cries out, "I'm done with you!  I've had it!"

I pray to be more like Him.  I long to show you patience beyond what I can do, letting His strength and power flow through me.

Love,
Mommy

"The Lord is slow to anger and abundant in lovingkindness, forgiving iniquity and transgression..." Numbers 14:18

Day 67...Money Talk

Dear Sadie,
I don't think you are ever too young to begin teaching your children about money.  Here we are with one income, and it's no secret that we struggle to pay the bills.  Without showing you stress and anxiety of our situation, I try to be an open example of gratitude for all that we have, as well as wisdom in how we spend what we do have.  On days like today, I take the opportunity to paint a realistic picture that we have certain limitations when the money isn't there.  It was funny, really, when you asked could we go to the zoo tomorrow.  I said no.  Then you said, "No, but can we go another day soon?"  As I explained to you that we won't go for a little while because it costs a lot of money and we just don't have it," you replied, "Oh, but we don't have to take the zoo home with us!"  Recalling the movie trailer for "We Bought a Zoo," you thought I meant that buying the zoo to take it home with us would be a lot of money!  "No, Mommy.  I love the animals, but I don't want to take them home with me."  I tried to clarify the whole ticket concept to you, and then reassured her that when we did have the money, we would go to the zoo as soon as possible.  Such an animal lover you are.  I hope to always convey to you that while money isn't everything, we will always do what we can, not fret about what we can't do, and certainly we can work to find other more simple ways to entertain ourselves. I know you are only three, but like I said, the earlier you find out about money, the more wise with giving and spending you will be.  I was reminded tonight about how we can't just know about "plenty" and "in want" theoretically, learning to be content in whichever circumstance we are in.  We have to experience both to appreciate it all.  The Giver of all.

Love,
Mommy

"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." Philippians 4:12

Day 66...Two Words

Dear Sadie,
Today was a day of last-minute planning and spontaneous family fun.  My kind of day!  I had a babysitting job fall through this morning, and so plan b was underway.  We decided to head to one of your favorite places in Atlanta, The Children's Museum called "Imagine It!"  Knowing that we'd soon be at the moon sand table and playing at the special Clifford exhibit put your excitement over the top.  As we headed out the door, you struck me with another "from the mouth of babes" God-moment.  It came to my remembrance this evening while I was at a women's meeting at Touching Hearts.  Two tiny words from your terribly cute tiny mouth: "Be still...."  You looked up at me as we were stepping into the garage to leave the house, with eyes and tone that said, "I'm so happy I could burst!"  Between the lines I heard you saying, "Help me finish the sentence, Mommy.  This one you're going to like!"  I taught you Be still and know that I am God weeks ago.  I can't even remember when.  It came out of nowhere the day I taught you, and today it seemed to come out of the blue once again.  We finished the verse together, slowly and deliberately, and I thought to myself what a blessing it was to be reminded by your three year-old that no matter what we're doing, on the go or in the quietness of our home, we can be still in our hearts in a place of trust and rest before the Lord.  Christ, in you, led me to worship in the rush of the day's activities, and I believe it caused the success of our little outing, and more.  As I reflected later this evening, I sat in awe that you could so unknowingly encourage your mama with those two little words, be still.  God is leading me through you, and I want to catch all of the moments I can.  For they lead me to Him, and He is where I want to remain.

Love,
Mommy

"Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10

Day 65...Scraped knees

Dear Sadie,
Outside on a bright and sunny April day, we were playing in the grandparents front yard, grassy hills below and vibrant blue sky above.  You in your little navy blue with tiny flowers dress.  I was camera-ready.  You were walking along a shallow wall of gray cement bricks laid along the flower bed, the newly acclaimed play area for you and Titus.  Suddenly you picked up the pace and decided to run along the wall, before I could even yell, stop.  With no traction under your silvery sandals, you slipped and scraped your knee on the side of the brick, sadly ending your joyful excursion.  Most of the time when blood is shed you simply become undone.  And not in a I need you or Hold me kind of way.  You almost just want to cry about the fact that something went wrong.  You don't want hugs or consolation or affirmation.  Well, sometimes you do when it is really bad.  But with a scraped knee, you really just want to dramatically cry out all of your frustration and wail how unfair it is that something like this happened to you.  It's pretty clear that you just want things to be back to the way they were.  Well, the truth is, mommy's and daddy's (and everyone else, for that matter) would love to help you dodge all kinds of pain, too, if we could!  I think a lot of us are like this in life.  Whenever we are confronted with something uncomfortable, we get on the justice track where we want to rant about why this or that should or shouldn't be happening.  We may take it to God, or complain to our friends, but one way or another, we're going to let our confusion or frustration be heard.  We are all guilty of this, and sometimes it's not a bad thing!  Tonight I was reminded how while God doesn't cause every bad thing to happen, it's in those moments that we grow the fruits of the spirit, into His likeness, developing intimacy with Him.  Therefore, whatever my circumstances, scraped or polished, I will keep on learning what it means to keep looking at Him.  Keeping my eyes locked on His will ultimately mean not sweating the small stuff, knowing I am safe in my Father's hands.  Those insufferable things will become dim as they should be, miraculously, because He's got it all.  I hope you learn to let me hold you, let me kiss those boo boos away.  I want to help you through hard times.  But most of all, I pray that you will let Him be your comfort and cry out to Him when you need your Heavenly Daddy.  He is strong and capable.

Love,
Mommy

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of various kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4

Day 64...New ways

Dear Sadie,

Easter has come and gone, and I think this one was my favorite one with you yet.  I’m learning, now after three years, that less is more, and that if you follow your heart (where Jesus is) you will have fun, and you won’t be running on empty.

Where do we get our traditions if not from the ways of our parents?  As branches of them blossoming into our new families, we honor them by taking those things we did growing up with us and we continue in some, leave some, adding to them or altering them in some way.  The most important thing is that the truth and beauty in them are preserved, assuming that there is any in them already.  As you know by now, I prefer the ordinary and everyday miracles that come to us unexpectedly over annual holidays.  The value is in the remembering, whenever that takes place for you, daily, monthly, and annually.  Remember Him as much as possible!  Whenever we plan there’s a pretty good probability that it’s going to be somewhat of a less than magical experience.   There’s a lot of good that comes out of planning and traditions, if you have the one key: the freedom to follow your heart. If your planning or tradition holds you back in some way, locks you in, makes you feel anxious, tied down, busy or overwhelmed, consider doing away with it.  Decide which systems soar into your heart with truth and beauty and cause you to glorify God, filling your heart with gratitude towards Him.  Personally, I find changing things up regularly keeps my heart in God-drive.

I grew up doing the Easter bunny thing, dying eggs, baskets full of goodies.  These were great memories for me.  My mom would go to great lengths hiding those eggs, and we greatly anticipated finding them in our rooms.  Fun is a good thing!  But today as a grown woman, my heart longs for more.  I do not want to get on a soapbox about a holiday or prove to anyone they are wrong in what they do.  I honestly believe that Jesus wants us to live freely and in accordance with His truth, and not much good comes out of arguing anyways.  So as my mind dwells on truth, beauty, glory and gratitude to God, I think it is safe to say that God inspired my heart to do a kind of unique activity with you that I think we will keep for now, as it helped me remain free and at peace during this holiday, simply fixing our eyes on Him and allowing Him to be all of the excitement we needed.  It is something that I think can grow with you as well.

We took a boiled egg and water-colored it black on “Good Friday.”  Symbolizing that Jesus bore all of our sin, sickness, death, disease, and darkness, we bruised the egg with our fingers and pierced it with nails.  Next we wrapped it in paper cloth and buried it in a shrub.  We told you to wait and see what happened to our “Jesus” on Sunday, Resurrection Day.  We waited with anticipation for that day to come, and see what we’d find, or not find.  You didn’t mind waiting two nights because you knew something special would happen on that third day.

Finally, Sunday morning arrived.  We walked down to the end of our driveway to the shrub where we left the battered egg buried.  Unlike the women at the tomb full of despair and grief, we looked with joyful anticipation, as this is the story we love to tell all year long, the story that set our hearts free!  We found the old egg gone, and in its place, a new and beautiful large plastic egg lying in sparkly iridescent grass with a silver crown lying beside it.  I could hear the words of the angel in my mind asking, “Why do you look for the dead among the living?”  Even though I was the one to replace the egg when no one was looking, I felt the power of those words sinking into my meditating heart.  The egg, clear on one side, was packed with silvery kisses, symbolizing His love for us, and a note that read: “Dear Family, I am alive!  I love you!  Now live freely in my love!  XOXO, Jesus.”

I love knowing that you will grow up and can be free to form your own traditions as the Spirit leads you.  I love knowing that if we don’t do exactly the same thing every year, God is not going to care.  I love knowing the fact that His love endures and He is not concerned with our doing, rather He cares about the state of our hearts being fully His.  I love that we don’t have to spend a lot of money and fill our calendar to have joy in the presence of God daily, filled with His everlasting love. 

Whatever traditions you choose, and daily living for that matter, may you follow His voice into truth, beauty, and live with gratitude to the glory of God.  Enjoy the journey, my special girl.

Love,
Mommy

“If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” 2 Corinthians 5:17

“We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.” Romans 6:4