I find myself analyzing my life way more than I want to. Why can't I just lose it?
Dear Sadie.
"Whoever would save his life will lose but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospels will save it." Mark 8:35
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Day 214...nothing at all
I haven't written in awhile, not because I haven't wanted to, but because I haven't had much to say. I know that is strange coming from me! But I always think I should have some sort of lesson or story to share, but lately I've been more internalizing things and writing in my personal journal. This is good, but not very useful to you! I promise I am trying though!
I love this season of Fall. I don't like winter coming too fast, and I am always looking forward to the cooler weather while we are in the humid, sweaty months of Summer. So here we are, and I am loving it! I'm surprised I don't have more to say in this season yet, because it always makes me more contemplative. But here I am going on about the weather! Haha. Oh well! It is what it is!
Dear Sadie.
I love this season of Fall. I don't like winter coming too fast, and I am always looking forward to the cooler weather while we are in the humid, sweaty months of Summer. So here we are, and I am loving it! I'm surprised I don't have more to say in this season yet, because it always makes me more contemplative. But here I am going on about the weather! Haha. Oh well! It is what it is!
Dear Sadie.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Day 213...crazy messy beautiful
It's funny, after a long day of crazy here, messy there, I put you two down to bed and feel tired but at peace with the blessings in my life. When you have Jesus, there's literally no words to describe the peace and joy that are deep in your spirit. It's not conditional to how well your day did or didn't go, it's just there. He is there. He never goes away. He really does satisfy my soul.
Dear Sadie.
Dear Sadie.
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Day 212...God's Book
I'll never forget the day when I made it point for the first time to tell you how true the Bible is.
Being surrounded by fairy tales and movies and books all of the time as kids, it's easy to combine God's Book with all the other made up stories, even if it captures our hearts in a unique way.
So on this particular day I say to you something like, "Sadie, the Bible is true. Every word is true. These aren't just made up stories, like Cinderalla or Dumbo. These things actually happened."
You look at me very confused..."No, it's not."
I continue to explain, and finally you reason, "But they wear all those funny clothes. We don't wear clothes like that!"
That makes so much sense! Of course a four year-old who only knows the context of clothing in which she lives would wonder what on earth the robes were all about!
Finally, after more explanation, you seemed to understand. Glad we got that cleared up!
Truly though, I can't wait for the day until the truth of God's Book really takes root in your heart, and you live it out as it penetrates your very being in a very real, very active way.
Even now, Lord!
Dear Sadie.
"All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work." 2 Timothy 3:16-17
Being surrounded by fairy tales and movies and books all of the time as kids, it's easy to combine God's Book with all the other made up stories, even if it captures our hearts in a unique way.
So on this particular day I say to you something like, "Sadie, the Bible is true. Every word is true. These aren't just made up stories, like Cinderalla or Dumbo. These things actually happened."
You look at me very confused..."No, it's not."
I continue to explain, and finally you reason, "But they wear all those funny clothes. We don't wear clothes like that!"
That makes so much sense! Of course a four year-old who only knows the context of clothing in which she lives would wonder what on earth the robes were all about!
Finally, after more explanation, you seemed to understand. Glad we got that cleared up!
Truly though, I can't wait for the day until the truth of God's Book really takes root in your heart, and you live it out as it penetrates your very being in a very real, very active way.
Even now, Lord!
Dear Sadie.
"All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work." 2 Timothy 3:16-17
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Day 211...the book story
"You're supposed to be lovin meeeee!" you sobbed with such force it made my heart stand still.
I was in a mood. During playtime, you had drug more than half of your books off the shelf and into the living room. I didn't see you do it or I would have stopped you. We stacked them all on the chair and I half-scolded you for doing it, more bewildered that you did it than anything. You didn't see anything wrong with your idea. You had a reason for doing it, but neither of us were sure of that reason after the fact.
"Okay," I said. "Carry the books back here to the shelf. I'll help you get them on there."
You decided that the one-by-one method of restoring the books back to their home would suffice, but I quickly grew impatient of the whole ordeal.
"This is taking way too long," I huffed, watching you slowly stroll back and forth across the room, handling each and every book as if it were a carton of 36 eggs.
I soon resolved to do it myself and dismissed you of your responsibility in the matter and ordered you to get upstairs and get ready for bed. My tone was way overboard.
"You're supposed to be lovin' meeeee!" The genuine tears of my gentle girl came a-rushing.
It was with those words my heart went from 52 degrees to warm like melted butter. I scooped you into my arms, and right away, you could tell your mommy was sorry for taking whatever it was I was feeling out on you. You knew you didn't do anything wrong. I knew it. We both knew it. You bounced happily upstairs as if nothing at all went wrong.
I wish I had that kind of forgiveness, and forgetfulness. Once again, little teacher, I thank you.
Dear Sadie.
GOD... "I will not remember your sins." Isaiah 43:25
I was in a mood. During playtime, you had drug more than half of your books off the shelf and into the living room. I didn't see you do it or I would have stopped you. We stacked them all on the chair and I half-scolded you for doing it, more bewildered that you did it than anything. You didn't see anything wrong with your idea. You had a reason for doing it, but neither of us were sure of that reason after the fact.
"Okay," I said. "Carry the books back here to the shelf. I'll help you get them on there."
You decided that the one-by-one method of restoring the books back to their home would suffice, but I quickly grew impatient of the whole ordeal.
"This is taking way too long," I huffed, watching you slowly stroll back and forth across the room, handling each and every book as if it were a carton of 36 eggs.
I soon resolved to do it myself and dismissed you of your responsibility in the matter and ordered you to get upstairs and get ready for bed. My tone was way overboard.
"You're supposed to be lovin' meeeee!" The genuine tears of my gentle girl came a-rushing.
It was with those words my heart went from 52 degrees to warm like melted butter. I scooped you into my arms, and right away, you could tell your mommy was sorry for taking whatever it was I was feeling out on you. You knew you didn't do anything wrong. I knew it. We both knew it. You bounced happily upstairs as if nothing at all went wrong.
I wish I had that kind of forgiveness, and forgetfulness. Once again, little teacher, I thank you.
Dear Sadie.
GOD... "I will not remember your sins." Isaiah 43:25
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Day 210...Happy Problems
This is just so cute I have to share it...
I could think of a nifty spiritual lesson to come out of it, but maybe I'll just keep it for what it is...a cute story.
We were sitting together working out some math problems, some very basic addition facts, using cheese nips as visuals, gluing them all down on our orange construction paper. We were having fun, and the concepts were coming together. I was being careful to use language that was somewhat unfamiliar to you so that you'd begin to form a context for how they were used...plus, add, altogether, equals, etc. Though it never occurred to me the word "problem", as in math problems, would sound strange to you, but it did. We were all done, wrapping up the lesson when you said, "But these were happy problems, right mama?" I just had to laugh. Happy problems. You could say that! :)
Okay, so I can't write that without giving a quick application...I'm just that nerdy, okay!?
When we encounter problems, trials, persecutions, hardships on earth, especially ones that come to us for being believers, we are to count them as all "joy." Sound weird? Maybe, but that's what the Word says. It means we are living honorably unto Him. Consider it pure joy. Consider it a "happy problem," for there is no greater suffering than the kind that is for Jesus' sake. After all, He did give us His life so that we might have life!
There. Happy problems!
Not only that...but also when we encounter something that seems so impossible, remember that it's a doorway through which God steps in and does the unthinkable. Rather than look at a problem as impossible or hopeless, open your faith door and let Him show you just how amazing He is! That way, our problems can always be happy problems...for He knows the way!
Dear Sadie.
"Jesus said...With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God." Mark 10:27
I could think of a nifty spiritual lesson to come out of it, but maybe I'll just keep it for what it is...a cute story.
We were sitting together working out some math problems, some very basic addition facts, using cheese nips as visuals, gluing them all down on our orange construction paper. We were having fun, and the concepts were coming together. I was being careful to use language that was somewhat unfamiliar to you so that you'd begin to form a context for how they were used...plus, add, altogether, equals, etc. Though it never occurred to me the word "problem", as in math problems, would sound strange to you, but it did. We were all done, wrapping up the lesson when you said, "But these were happy problems, right mama?" I just had to laugh. Happy problems. You could say that! :)
Okay, so I can't write that without giving a quick application...I'm just that nerdy, okay!?
When we encounter problems, trials, persecutions, hardships on earth, especially ones that come to us for being believers, we are to count them as all "joy." Sound weird? Maybe, but that's what the Word says. It means we are living honorably unto Him. Consider it pure joy. Consider it a "happy problem," for there is no greater suffering than the kind that is for Jesus' sake. After all, He did give us His life so that we might have life!
There. Happy problems!
Not only that...but also when we encounter something that seems so impossible, remember that it's a doorway through which God steps in and does the unthinkable. Rather than look at a problem as impossible or hopeless, open your faith door and let Him show you just how amazing He is! That way, our problems can always be happy problems...for He knows the way!
Dear Sadie.
"Jesus said...With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God." Mark 10:27
Day 209...faithful servant
My strength + My understanding = Failure
His Strength + His Wisdom = Miracles
It's basically the process of dying to self that keeps us going in the right direction.
I've had to learn this lesson in a big way when I was in complaining mode on the other side of the world. After three years in Korea, I began to feel deep, disheartening unrest. I remember one day sitting in the bathtub reading the familiar passage in Matthew when it struck me,
"Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things." Matthew 25:24
At that time, I wanted more. I wanted to be in Africa where there were starving and dying people everywhere, desperate people in need of a touch from God. I felt so desperate myself to get out of the slump I was in, teaching "rich" kids who all had to have the latest cell phones. I was being selfish. Selfish? Selfish to want to give my life over to the poor? Yes. Selfish and self-centered to demand more, to not be content with God's will for me. To not be faithful with the few that were given to me.
Still now today, working in the home and not having a "job" has become more of a difficult path than I ever imagined. I shouldn't say that I don't have a job. I do care for children besides my own, too. But what I mean is, I'm not pursuing my career or on the mission field that I once enjoyed. (Yes, I loved serving in Korea with all of my heart!) I didn't actually make plans to be here, it's the path God has led us down through various circumstances. Some women knew they'd be doing this all of their lives and never wished for anything more. They must be so content! I'm not saying I'm not content a lot of days. I'm just saying, this has stretched me more than I ever could have imagined. Even now that I've begun homeschooling you at four years-old (although that really began when you were an infant!), there are days when I want to throw in the towel and say, "She'll have much more fun at school! I'll just enroll her!" But then I stop and think about it and wonder what it is I am saying! This is God's will for us. This is what we're doing. And I can't quit every time it gets hard.
Being faithful with the little things. If there are days when I do nothing else but read with you, then I have to be okay with that! If we have days where there is a lot of productivity and lots of laughing, I am in heaven! The hardest part for me sometimes, I think, is not having the adult interaction I once had. I love to be around people and have that kind of connection.
All of this is stretching me big time. It's a big part of what led me to start writing you. I want you to know your mommy through this season in a way you can't possibly know at four. We are so close, it's hard to think about you not really "getting" me on every level right now. I am deeply, deeply touched by our close relationship and intimacy we share. I wouldn't trade a thing in the world for it. I pray we share this deep of a connection until Jesus comes back.
So to end, be faithful with the small stuff. Do not rely on your own plans, your own understanding, even your own strength. If you do, God will not be able to show you how big He is. Be faithful with whatever He gives you, and He will do the miraculous.
Dear Sadie.
His Strength + His Wisdom = Miracles
It's basically the process of dying to self that keeps us going in the right direction.
I've had to learn this lesson in a big way when I was in complaining mode on the other side of the world. After three years in Korea, I began to feel deep, disheartening unrest. I remember one day sitting in the bathtub reading the familiar passage in Matthew when it struck me,
"Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things." Matthew 25:24
At that time, I wanted more. I wanted to be in Africa where there were starving and dying people everywhere, desperate people in need of a touch from God. I felt so desperate myself to get out of the slump I was in, teaching "rich" kids who all had to have the latest cell phones. I was being selfish. Selfish? Selfish to want to give my life over to the poor? Yes. Selfish and self-centered to demand more, to not be content with God's will for me. To not be faithful with the few that were given to me.
Still now today, working in the home and not having a "job" has become more of a difficult path than I ever imagined. I shouldn't say that I don't have a job. I do care for children besides my own, too. But what I mean is, I'm not pursuing my career or on the mission field that I once enjoyed. (Yes, I loved serving in Korea with all of my heart!) I didn't actually make plans to be here, it's the path God has led us down through various circumstances. Some women knew they'd be doing this all of their lives and never wished for anything more. They must be so content! I'm not saying I'm not content a lot of days. I'm just saying, this has stretched me more than I ever could have imagined. Even now that I've begun homeschooling you at four years-old (although that really began when you were an infant!), there are days when I want to throw in the towel and say, "She'll have much more fun at school! I'll just enroll her!" But then I stop and think about it and wonder what it is I am saying! This is God's will for us. This is what we're doing. And I can't quit every time it gets hard.
Being faithful with the little things. If there are days when I do nothing else but read with you, then I have to be okay with that! If we have days where there is a lot of productivity and lots of laughing, I am in heaven! The hardest part for me sometimes, I think, is not having the adult interaction I once had. I love to be around people and have that kind of connection.
All of this is stretching me big time. It's a big part of what led me to start writing you. I want you to know your mommy through this season in a way you can't possibly know at four. We are so close, it's hard to think about you not really "getting" me on every level right now. I am deeply, deeply touched by our close relationship and intimacy we share. I wouldn't trade a thing in the world for it. I pray we share this deep of a connection until Jesus comes back.
So to end, be faithful with the small stuff. Do not rely on your own plans, your own understanding, even your own strength. If you do, God will not be able to show you how big He is. Be faithful with whatever He gives you, and He will do the miraculous.
Dear Sadie.
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