She moved to Uganda fresh out of high school and followed the Lord's leading into the adoption of thirteen children! Her heartfelt tale has truly begun a reviving in mine. I can honestly relate to her love for Jesus, and her passion for the lost, dying and lonely children on the earth, wherever they may be. She just chased after her dream, into a calling clearly from the Lord, where He has blessed her every step of the way. I am still in the middle of the book, Kisses from Katie, and I can't put it down. It's so compelling, so inspiring, I just know it's full of God's heart and purposes, a Word to all of us believers.
I'm going to to try and convey what the Lord has been stirring within my spirit since I began reading the book, but I already know that my words are going to fall short of what I am experiencing.
You see, I thought maybe that reading a story about a girl who left everything to minister to children in a foreign land, one of the most destitute places on earth, poverty-stricken, the whole nine yards, would make me envious. She is living a life I could envision myself living as a young person. Even now, the Lord knows I would not hesitate to sell everything and move my family to an area where we could, as a family, bring the gospel of light into the darkest places. But envy and jealousy are far from what I'm feeling. If anything, she's reminding me of the serious call that the heart of a mother entails. Her life is completely and totally yielded to the heart of God. His heart for adoption, for children, for the poor and needy, are unmistakable in her life. Where do they exist in mine today? These have always been the cry of my heart. You can't miss them in Scripture. But if there were just one thing that I'm taking away, okay maybe two, two things that I'm hearing, they are this...Love the person right in front of you, right now, today, right here....And two, lose your life to gain it. I feel renewed in my passion at the moment to do these two things. And I feel confident in trust that the Lord will take care of the rest.
For example, I have the opportunity to love my children, plus two other children, not to mention my husband, in many tangible, practical ways each and every day. It's not explicitly rewarding, not seen or glorious, not making me rich or even famous. But in God's eyes, it is glorious. It is beautiful. And too, I have been given the opportunity to lay my life down, lose it really, for my immediate loved ones (and hope to lose it way more than I am now!). Would I choose to lay aside my lifelong dream of being a missionary and working with children, many children, all to be staying at home, only impacting a few kids, with no plan for the future? How did I get here? But I am learning how to be content. Paul spoke of contentment with plenty and with little. This goes for "ministry" as well. Whether I think I'm doing "big" things for God, or "little," what matters is...am I listening to Him, fellowshipping with Him, giving my everything to Him, in every relationship I encounter?
I am being stretched more than I have ever been stretched before. More than being a teacher to bunches of kids. More than when I lived out of my comfort in a foreign land. More than when I was separated from loved ones for thousands of miles. I am being stretched and turned inside out. And that is what Katie is reminding me of. That is where the center of God's will is for me, and for you. It's where God is teaching you, showing you His grace, being your strength when you have none, and getting the glory for it all. That is the place I am in. I'm not saying I've succeeded in this. I fail continuously. But to experience His grace through the learning process, now that is a blessing in itself. I have shown some pretty ugly sides to myself, to my kids, to my husband. I have felt anger rise up from the inside that I never knew could exist. I have let depression in when I felt I could be doing so much more than I am able, or should be doing more than I am, feeling that what I do is not good enough for God, or simply just not enough. I am ashamed of my attitude, my struggles, my heart that has turned cold towards Him. For the ungratefulness, for the lack of trust. Finally, I am coming out of all that and into days of true thankfulness and contentment, and even more importantly, fervor and hunger like never before. For this season I am truly grateful. I know that right here and now, God is shaping me into His image. He is doing it through means I never knew He would. I feel so close to Him, so in LOVE with Him. Katie has reminded me of the Jesus I knew from the beginning. That may sound strange for a believer of twenty-eight years, but it's for real. We all need a wake up call to rise up and see Him for who He really is, once in a while.
As for the future? My heart to be a missionary? My desire to travel? My intense need to live on very little so that others can have it all? To show my children what it means to lose their life through practical, Christ-centered living? I have no idea how it's going to look, where we'll all end up. I only know to set my gaze upon Him, and listen...He is the One who knows best and has it all under control.
Thank you, Katie Davis, for chasing your dream, for loving Jesus, for being a living example of a life lost and found, for loving His little precious sheep, and for sharing your story. I'm so glad I'm not finished with your book yet! And I'm so glad God's not finished with me either!
All of our stories are different. We have different paths to take, but the same Maker. The same destination in the end. I hope I choose His way, and I hope you, Sadie, will find your calling to be sure, clear and an adventure worth telling the world about, for His sake.
Dear Sadie.
P.S. There is so much more to this story, but this is all I can really say at the moment...thank you, Lord for teaching me, for Your patience with me, for never being done with me. Thank you for wanting to do way more through me than I could ever dream up on my own. Thank you for the beautiful family I get to take care of every day. I am beyond blessed!
Whoever tries to keep His life will lose it, and whoever loses his life will preserve it. Luke 17:33
No comments:
Post a Comment