I sit here reading a book, "Kisses from Katie," by Katie Davis, moved to tears.
I have set my passions upon the shelf for a time, and her passionate love for the orphans in Uganda make my heart to bleed in remembrance of dreams I once thought I had within my reach.
One day, will I too, together with my family, take this book off of the shelf? Not the one I am holding, but the one in my heart? Will God open this portion to reveal a destiny I never fully realized?
My life looks nothing like I had dreamed it would be when I was a youth. I am so very blessed with two beautiful children and a husband who loves me and a home with two dogs in the backyard. I hate to say it because it sounds so selfish and ungrateful, but I'll say it anyways...
I want more.
Want more of what? you may ask.
Hopefully by the time you're old enough to read this, you'll know what dreams I'm talking about. I don't have a specific task in mind exactly. At the very basic level, I want to live a life ruined for Jesus. I life that gives out love, way more love than I could ever supply on my own. I want to give up earthly treasures for the benefit of others. I want my kids to walk with me on the journey, to taste the extravagant love of Jesus for themselves, hungry to pour it out to the loneliest and most destitute children on the planet. The broken. The abandoned and neglected and abused. The rejects of society. My heart longs to be the one to hold and mend and share the good news of Jesus. My spirit cries and my soul aches when I read stories of the trauma people endure every day while I lie cozily in my double-porch house in a quiet subdivision. While I work hard to provide a loving, nourishing environment for my babies, seeking to be a better wife and mom on a daily basis, millions of children starve or watch their families die or are sold into slavery. I've given my heart to you and Titus in ways I never could have imagined. I've come to know love like never before, and that is a gift I will never get over. It's all because of Him I have children and can love and care for them the way I am able to right now. I want to spread this love, extend it through my offspring. But putting my teaching ministry on the mission field on hold for a time for the well-being of my family, within me is this undeniable thirst for more.
Lord, I cry out to you today--don't give up on me just yet! You will complete it, I know. Greater are your plans than mine ever were or will be! Just use me for your glory. To spread your love and your kingdom on earth as it is in heaven.
Unto you I will cling.
If I can't go, then use me here in ways only you can contrive. Take me deep into the heart of Senoia, but let me touch, hold and mend in Your honor. Let me love with abandon--and never, ever leave buried there the dreams you have written on my heart. LOVE.
This one is about me, my dear, but I hope you get a sense for how close you are to my heart, and how I want to work alongside you as your sister in Christ someday, even soon.
Dear Sadie.
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