Day 188...watch me

"Writing can be a pretty desperate endeavor, because it is about some of our deepest needs: our need to be visible, to be heard, our need to make sense of our lives, to wake up and grow and belong.  It is no wonder if we sometimes tend to take ourselves perhaps a bit too seriously."  --Lamott, "Bird by Bird"

I have had this thought many times about Facebook, blogging, or publishing works in general.  Might we just be taking ourselves a bit too seriously?  Why do we sense the need to be heard or seen so much?

I think of you when you're proud of something you're doing...

drawing a picture,

doing a somersault,

swimming,

coloring...

Mommy, will you sit here and watch me?

Watch me.

I make myself sit still and watch, and show you I'm watching, so that you know I love you.  So that you feel loved and important.

Now as an adult, do I live as though someone is watching?  Even now, do I write so that someone will hear me?  Do I update my status on Facebook hoping to get heard?

The truth is, for me, I can always make room for being more others-centered.

On the same token, we have a GOD who sees, a GOD who understands.  Hopefully we recognize the people He has placed in our lives to be there for us as well.  Hopefully we're not always in the dark reaching out.  Hopefully we see that we're not alone in this maze.  Hopefully we realize there is more than me.  

For now, until you get it, until you get how important you are to HIM, I'm going to watch you, applaud you, build you up to show you that you are so special.  So special in who you were made to be.  There's molding and disciplining and repenting that will undoubtedly be a part of this journey, but I get to be by your side through it all.  I get to be your biggest fan (maybe daddy too :).  Someday you'll go beyond these doors and look to see who else is seeing, hearing.  My prayer is that you will keep focused on Jesus.  What He says about You.  He will help you make sense of it all.  He will keep your heart. He will make you grow.  Belong.  He will quiet your soul.  And He will love through you to show others what really matters.

Dear Sadie.