As little baby Titus ate Cheerios from my hands, it occurred to me how funny he was being, and it made me think. When he began, he was so frustrated with me for making him stop eating them himself. He wanted to be in control, and he wanted to do it all by himself, but I couldn’t let him! He’d just shove that whole tiny fist of his down into the little bowl, and it would come out a massive, sticky mess. He wouldn’t even know which Cheerio to shove into his mouth first, the ones on the back of his hand, the ones crushed inside his sticky palm, the ones clinging to his chubby knuckles… I decided he’s just not ready to handle this task alone. I’d have to force him to let me put the tiny treats into his tiny, two-fingered grip one by one. Alas, he was much happier with this method, and with mommy’s help, he ate each savory circle. Oh, how much this reminded me of how I am! Many times I wish I could just take the whole bowl of something in life and just throw it back, or reach in and just go for it, dig in! I end up making a mess of myself, but I try anyways! The Lord makes me wait, often whispering to me, just wait. I got this. He pushes me back a bit, and feeds me with his gentle, wise hands, piece by piece. But I want it all. I want the whole picture. I want to see how it all ends up now. I can do this, Lord! Yes, you could, He replies. But you’d end up making a mess of yourself. Is that what you want? Sometimes I reply an eager, YES! And He lovingly lets me try. Then I come back, running to Him, with my tear-stained face, my dress dragged through the mud. He wipes me clean. I vow to never go my own way again. To always trust His portion. But I know. It’s a lesson I’ll keep having to learn. Over and over. But it’s okay, because He is patient; He is good; He is trustworthy. And He loves me, no matter what.
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