Day 14...Blooming

Bloom where you are planted, they say.  It’s a good saying, and true.  It’s part of “living in the present” as I wrote a couple of days ago.  This blooming happens when you are fully content to be wherever God has you to be.  You’re surrendered to Him, and so you accept that life may not be looking quite like you thought it might look at this point, but it’s okay, because you know God is in the lead of this dance.  So I want to share with you a journal from a little while ago that shows you it’s pretty normal to struggle with this…struggle with life in general.  What God has you doing. Where you’re living.  Your limitations.  The important things to come back to are surrendering and trusting in Him.  This brings rest for your soul, and you always want to live out of that rest no matter what. 

(Jan.3, 2012)—wow!  I say “wow” because where did the time go?  You think when you’re young you have all this time—time to travel, to do something with your life, to love someone, to hang out with friends, and discover new hobbies and joys, and help someone, truly help people towards eternity.  Now I look back here at nearly 33, and I was 19 just yesterday.  First you’re in school, then more school, then you get a job, get married, have kids, lose friends, gain so much joy from your new family, and wonder what’s next?  At least I have.  I feel like my life’s on hold somehow.  Yet it’s spinning around and flying by.  I’m trying so hard to not lose myself in motherhood.  Nobody tells you just how dang hard it’s going to be not to.  If I were a working mom, I’d have a “job.”  I’d feel a purpose.  And it’s true I have a job and a purpose right now.  But when your life consists of feeding mouths, doing laundry, picking up toys, taking out toys, putting up toys again, playing with toys, etc. you do get lost.  The occasional night out like tonight feels like I’m coming up for air, only to swim back down again moments later.  It’s not even that I hate my life.  I love my kids.  I adore everything about them.  And I know I’m going to blink and this will all be over.  But how do we stay-at-home moms not lose ourselves??  How do we keep from feeling all stuffy?

I’m not Suzy Homemaker.

Not even close.

I’m a free spirit that hasn’t even blossomed yet.

Where did all my old friends go?

When will new ones come again?

I’m not one for redundancy.

I thrive on change.

I need artful expression to shine.

So I can see clearly what is really mine

And what is merely a reflection in this window I am staring through.

Who really knows me?

And do I know myself anymore?

I know God sees, but even He feels more like a glimmer or a spark.

I can’t lose Him, too.

So many things left to do…

Feel, see, hear, taste, love, have,

I have all these dreams,

And yet I’m running on empty.

Fill me up, Lord.

Let this hopelessness and impatience

Dissipate with Your great love.

I will wait for You.

Looking back on this journal I think how self-centered it must look.  How unfaithful to God I am.  But then I have to remember, that we need honesty in our lives.  If we can’t pour out our worries, our cares, our doubts and fears to God, then what do we do with them?  The only place to dwell is with Him.  In Him.  With Him all around you.  As you go through life and process everything, know that nothing is wrong with you if you feel alone or discontent.  No one has never felt that way.  Just keep your eyes on Jesus, keep seeking Him, and He will, without a doubt, give you the desires of your heart, and provide you with everything you need.  What more can you ask for?  He is enough, and He desires honest intimacy with His beloved.  And that is what you are, His beloved.  
Getting back to blooming where you’re planted.  Do I have the answer on how to do that yet?  Does anybody?  The closest thing I have to an answer is this, and nothing is originally from me, I’m sure.  And that’s okay.  Of course I cannot expect to have several points that will be comprehensive to the subject.  Surely many others can and have written volumes on the topic.  But this is my attempt to summarize how I am processing "blooming" for myself right now. 

1)      Live and drink in each moment by paying attention to the small things.  They will keep you watered, those little blessings.  You will be tuned in and connected to the grand designer and sustainer of life and all things beautiful.  What could be more satisfying?  Gratitude for it all will keep your roots firmly planted and surrounded by His love.

2)      Keep artful expression a part of your daily life.  Everyone is creative; we were made in His image, the Creator.  So create every day, but not in a legalistic way. Allow yourself idle time to slow down and formulate your thoughts and emotions through writing, for example.  If not writing, then create some music and sing a spontaneous song, play the piano, guitar, pots and pans, you get the picture.  Dance to some music in your kitchen.  Paint or draw a picture of what you see when you close your eyes.  Write a letter to a loved one, a poem.  Plant some plants in the garden.  Make a meal for someone.  I’ll stop.  When you are being creative, you are expressing from your heart.  That expression will be flowing from within, and when you keep those creative juices flowing, you are watering your whole self, and others around you, and that will keep you blooming.  Fruitful.  Because the Spirit within is from where the water flows.

3)      Never stop communing with God.  Talk to Him.  Let Him talk back.  And listen.  I’m guilty of being a little too tight-lipped when it comes to expressing my thoughts to God.  I do it through writing, but there’s something about speaking it into the atmosphere so that you can hear yourself that helps your spirit to tune into God and yourself more fully.  Shout, whisper, speak, or sing.  But get it out.  He will live it, and it will keep you growing in Him.

4)      Lastly, keep yourself from looking too closely at others so to compare yourself with them.  This will only stunt your growth.  Rather, keep looking at God as intently as possible, and stay focused on Jesus.

Those are my top four, and they may evolve somehow through the years.  I have a lot of Scripture in my head to back these up, but for now this will do.  I hope they'll be helpful to you. Add to the list yourself and see what you come up with.