Day 4...Let me eat cake

Sometimes you just need to eat cake for dinner.  Today was one of those days.  One of my ridiculous-to-admit but very-true fears has come about.  Yesterday my iPod went missing.  It’s one of the few items I’ve ever owned that became a true “valuable” to me.  I got it for my birthday last year.  Everyone in my family put their money together to get it for me, and I was very, very touched by this gift.  This 4^th generation, 32 gig, iPod Touch became my new friend from the start.  I kept all my music on it, I checked my email and used the internet on it, found so many entertaining games for me and you, and way, way more than I could explain.  It was downright the coolest thing I’ve owned in a really long time.  And today, I found it in the washing machine.  We had turned the house over looking for that thing last night.  As I retraced my steps, I had remembered scooping up dirty laundry along with my phone and iPod and who knows what else.  I’m always combining things to be more “efficient” when going up and down the stairs, never wanting to make more trips than I need to, especially with all the parts and pieces you and your toys comprise.  Well…it did me in this time.  My iPod was careless meshed in with the dirty clothes basket on my way down.  Later in the day, it was tossed in unbeknownst to me.  I was saddened to see it underneath the wet clothes this afternoon, empty of any signs of life.  I took it up and outside into the sun immediately.  I tried turning it on, over and over again.  Praying.  Crying.  I tried to revive it with all the might I had, asking God to forgive me for my ingratitude.  Asking Him, pleading with Him.  Telling Him that I really, really wanted it back, like a little girl. All of it just fell  into silence.  I cried like a baby.  Titus stood there just staring at me.  The dogs lied there in the yard, wondering if I was going to pay them any attention or should they just go back to sleep.  Then after a little while, I turned away and tended to my real baby, Titus.  I looked him with those soft cheeks, scooped him up, and held him close.  This is what really matters right here. And when you woke up from your name, I held you, too.  I was forced to remember what really matters today.  Sure, I still think my carelessness really shot me in the foot today.  It hurt. And still does.  But when I look at it for what it really is, and compare it to whom I really love, it’s nothing.

So I decided, I’m going to have a hunk of my old birthday cake for dinner tonight.  I deserve it, and I need it!!  So, feeling pleased with myself, I dish up a huge piece of yellow cake with chocolate icing and dig in. Thinking to myself, This is great.  This makes me feel better. Ha ha.  Just as those thoughts enter my mind, and in the first bite, some rotten fumes reach my nose and I purge out whatever is left. Moldy cake!  Nice.  That’s what I get for eating cake for dinner (echoed daddy later).  It sure was a nice thought!  My dear Sadie, there will be days when you want to curl up in bed, go to sleep, and never wake up.  This was more of a cake eating day, but there are even tougher than this days ahead to face.  We’ve all had them.  And you will.  It wasn’t just that I wanted a taste of something sweet when something really sour just happened to me.  It was more that I just wanted to remind myself to not take things so seriously.  And it felt good to just be like a child and want dessert for my dinner.  And in that way, it did help.  Only it was moldy. Ah!  I think the Lord gave me grace in that piece of cake.  Enduring this loss seriously began when the laughter did.  Next time I will check for the green fuzz.  I head to bed now, thanking the Lord for the gifts in my life as they lie nestled in their beds.