Dear Sadie,
I have to tell you, this topic just keeps coming and coming to my mind lately. I guess the Spirit is trying to tell me something! You went out with our good friends, Cece and Fuff (Jeff and Kristi), while we went to church tonight. Fabbiano’s Pizza, Barnes and Noble, and then the Mix for yogurt. I can’t wait to hear about your fun time! Came home a little early and gave Titus a bath…he kind of threw up on himself at church. Yucky! As I sat there watching him play in the water, his pale soft body splashing around, bright eyes dazzling me, I just thought about how good it was to sit there and watch him, interact with him, adore him, love him. Again, presence. All the time! It comes back to me. I think this is because it’s so, so important, and I am in revelation mode. It is becoming a part of me. And the Holy Spirit is doing this in me. It is His character to be present. And of course because He is living inside of me, His presence can become a reality in me, the more I cooperate with Him.
I have to tell you, this topic just keeps coming and coming to my mind lately. I guess the Spirit is trying to tell me something! You went out with our good friends, Cece and Fuff (Jeff and Kristi), while we went to church tonight. Fabbiano’s Pizza, Barnes and Noble, and then the Mix for yogurt. I can’t wait to hear about your fun time! Came home a little early and gave Titus a bath…he kind of threw up on himself at church. Yucky! As I sat there watching him play in the water, his pale soft body splashing around, bright eyes dazzling me, I just thought about how good it was to sit there and watch him, interact with him, adore him, love him. Again, presence. All the time! It comes back to me. I think this is because it’s so, so important, and I am in revelation mode. It is becoming a part of me. And the Holy Spirit is doing this in me. It is His character to be present. And of course because He is living inside of me, His presence can become a reality in me, the more I cooperate with Him.
I keep thinking about what it is about a person that draws people to him or her. I really think it is a mixture of habits that make a composite of this idea of presence that infects people. Have you ever been with someone who made you feel like you were really important? Has someone looked you in the eye while you talked, never looking away? You are talking about the weather, they are fascinated. You are pouring out the cries in your heart, they are crying. This person sees you. Feels you. Cares enough to not let his mind wander away, here or there. Stays with you while you are in her presence. Stays…with…you. This is the kind of person you want to be with. You never want to leave him or her. You feel so special! You want to be that same kind of person in return! It is infectious. It is intimacy. It is love. It is real and sincere. Compassionate. It cannot be faked. This is the Holy Spirit. God is like this. And He is in us. And He is flowing through us when we are able to be present like Him. He is our ever-present help in time of need. He is the God who sees. His presence is wonderful. He listens to us. He helps. He loves. All the time.
When I am at home with you, I want to be truly at home, all of the time. I want to play with you when you want to be played with. I want to sing songs together, read books, paint, play dolls, ponies, draw, dress up. Whatever it is you want me to do with you, that’s what I want to do. So many times I say, “Not now, I have to empty the dishwasher, but I will later.” You walk with a sad okay, and I think to myself about my duties as a mom, and that this is just the way it has to be. So many times I say, “Okay, let’s play now,” only to be on the floor, criss-cross, books laid out, thinking to myself…I gotta fold that laundry before it all gets too wrinkly….I better get lunch started…Man, I need some “me” time…I am soooo tired (yawn)..maybe it's time for some more coffee. I am so sorry, my dear! You deserve so much more than that! And yes, it is true. We moms have so much to accomplish during the day. We always think we must multi-task or how else is it going to all get done. Is that really true? Is there not another way to live? Do moms really have to be all that busy?
Watching Titus take a bath, playing with him, watching his laughing eyes look lovingly up at me while I gaze at him. He babbles names of family members. He sets his tiny foot up on the side of the tub just to check it out. My mind is no where else but here. My phone is far from me. I am here. And he knows it. You always know it. This is the full life. Children have got it. I am getting it back. The only place I can love you is right here. Ann Voskamp said this about God, “Here is the only place I can love Him,” and about life she says, “The slower the living, the greater the sense of fullness and satisfaction.” Don’t you want that kind of life? Imagine the souls you can impact if you are with a stranger, with a friend, with a lover. Imagine it. You aren’t missing anything because you aren’t thinking about where you should be, where you are going to be, where you want to be. Less worry. More love. Less anxiety. More laughter. Less neglect. More human connection. More flavor. Tasting God and all of his blessings. With God, all things are possible. When you become a mom, please remember this. Your mom was learning and walking in the journey of now. I will be for all of my life. You can be my reminder when I become absent and distracted and discontent. Right now, being your mom, staying at home, this is truly a BLESSING. And I would not change it for anything, no matter how monotonous or mundane things can become. Focus, and less multi-tasking. I want you kids to have all of my heart. I want my husband to have all of me all of the time. I want God to have all of me. He gave me EVERYTHING I could ever ask for in Himself.
Love,
Mommy
"Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him." Psalm 34:8
"You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand." Psalm 16:11
Watching Titus take a bath, playing with him, watching his laughing eyes look lovingly up at me while I gaze at him. He babbles names of family members. He sets his tiny foot up on the side of the tub just to check it out. My mind is no where else but here. My phone is far from me. I am here. And he knows it. You always know it. This is the full life. Children have got it. I am getting it back. The only place I can love you is right here. Ann Voskamp said this about God, “Here is the only place I can love Him,” and about life she says, “The slower the living, the greater the sense of fullness and satisfaction.” Don’t you want that kind of life? Imagine the souls you can impact if you are with a stranger, with a friend, with a lover. Imagine it. You aren’t missing anything because you aren’t thinking about where you should be, where you are going to be, where you want to be. Less worry. More love. Less anxiety. More laughter. Less neglect. More human connection. More flavor. Tasting God and all of his blessings. With God, all things are possible. When you become a mom, please remember this. Your mom was learning and walking in the journey of now. I will be for all of my life. You can be my reminder when I become absent and distracted and discontent. Right now, being your mom, staying at home, this is truly a BLESSING. And I would not change it for anything, no matter how monotonous or mundane things can become. Focus, and less multi-tasking. I want you kids to have all of my heart. I want my husband to have all of me all of the time. I want God to have all of me. He gave me EVERYTHING I could ever ask for in Himself.
Love,
Mommy
"Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him." Psalm 34:8
"You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand." Psalm 16:11
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