Dear Sadie,
When so many little things are going on, mostly wrong or maybe just a little bit messy, it's really easy to not feel like writing anything. I don't have much to give right now. I haven't taken time for God's Word to seep into my soul. I don't feel refreshed because I haven't taken time away. I've been too busy. There have been moments of light where I've been able to focus on the Lord and pray and just be in His presence, even when things were hard. But do I have anything to give to you? Not hardly. The thing I want most right now is carefree-ality. My new word this evening. You'll ask me every now and then, such as on days like these, "Mommy, are you happy?" You always want everyone to be okay. And I love you for that. Most of the time I let out a sigh and I will tell you the truth of how I am feeling in the moment, and what is causing me to feel that way. I think that's what's going to help you kids maintain good self-expression and awareness, if you are asking me these questions and I am offering you real answers. You do want me to be happy all of the time. And I wish I could be like you all of the time, sort of clueless to the chaos swirling around me. For instance, you know about some of the things that are happening, not all, but you also don't know the stress these things sometimes cause when they all happen at once. You know that Daddy managed to jump over a fence and bruise his side and get a boo boo, but he's okay. You know that we sold our car, but you're not anxious to find a new one. You missed our car when it was being worked on. And you liked riding in Daa and Nana's truck, and now you will probably miss it, but be glad we have our car back. You don't know we're looking for a car to replace the one we just sold. You know we packed up to pick up Daddy at 8:00pm last night, and then got out of the car at the last minute per change of plans. You were just happy that Mommy read you books before going to sleep finally. You know that the sound stopped working on Daddy's computer, but you are confident Mommy and Daddy will fix it eventually. You don't know that we lost the code to turn the stereo system back on in Mommy's car. You knew that we tried to pay the water bill today but couldn't, but you have no understanding about the late fee that is applied. You were just happy to be out with your Mommy having girl time, walking the streets. You had no idea that Mommy was forgetful and keeping Daddy from leaving the house on time to go look a van while we strolled the city streets together. You don't know that Daddy lost his phone. You don't know that Mommy keeps losing her phone, and that both Mommy and Daddy can't seem to keep their phones charged anyways! You didn't know a rock flew and broke Daddy's windshield just before he showed the car, but he sold it anyways. You don't know that Mommy and Daddy are too tired and preoccupied to enjoy each other's company or be very nice to one another on a consistent basis. And you don't know that when all of this car mess is over, we will have to start thinking about moving again in order to pay the bills. Be happy for what you don't know. And keep enjoying the rest you feel, that even when things go wrong, even when we get boo boo's, somehow everything ends up alright. At the end of the day, we are together. At the end of the day, we got Jesus. At the end of the day, hope, peace and joy fills our souls because we do not rely on circumstances to fill us up. At the end of the day we can sleep and another day soon begins.
Love,
Mommy
"By day the Lord directs His love, at night His song is with me--a prayer to the God of my life." Psalm 42:8
"Be anxious for nothing..." Philippians 4:6
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