Day 38...The rod

Dear Sadie,
I am going to talk to you about a sticky subject today. It's sticky and hard, not flowery at all.  It stinks, too.  It is one of the most difficult parts of parenting I have discovered thus far.  That is discipline in the form of spanking.

I decided to give you a little time away from the little ones for a little while.  It was sort of a sudden decision, and I guess it took you by surprise.  Because you were resistant from the get go.  I said, "Sadie, why don't you go on upstairs and play by yourself for a little while." (many times you have agreed and obeyed on the spot...not this time)  Again, I said, "Sadie, you are bothering your brother a little too much. I think it'd be good if you go up to your room and have some time alone for a little while."  "No, I want to color!" you replied.  This is later in the day, and you're definitely hitting your tired stride.  Until we go outside and get active, do something constructive, you tend to get a little restless.  I was trying to divert you, but you were stuck in obstinacy, so I had to do something to help you come out of it.  Telling me "no" then turned into yelling at me on the way to time-out, as well as hitting me.  A spanking became necessary at that point. The part about this that I really want you to know, is that there is a right way to go about spanking.  There are some things we follow when going the spanking route. First of all, we try always to remain calm, and not react in anger (as hard as this is).  Second, we make sure the punishment is clearly defined and set in advance in accordance with the offense.  Defiance (outright disobedience) and disrespect (talking back, yelling, hitting) are the two areas we target with spankings being the consequence.  Lastly, we communicate everything we are doing, the reasons for it, what God says, throughout the whole thing, etc.  Everything is done in love and out of love.  If all is done correctly, you respond with remorse.  I forgive you.  We hug and kiss.  We express words of love and sorrow.  And then we move on and have fun pretty much immediately, to remember that we go on from here, and we make mistakes but keep going.

When it's time for you to have kids, and you and your husband are faced with the decision of spanking, whether or not it is right for you and your child, I hope you come down to what God says, and pray for the ability to communicate love to your child through everything you do, however you do it.  I know a lot of people think that you are sending your child the wrong message by hitting them.  But I hope you also get to experience how loving and firm discipline reaps a kind, respectful and obedient child.  The bond you have with your child when the discipline moment is over is inexplicably good.  It is such a delight to have respect and love flow from your child after it's all said and done.  It sure does make this hard way the better way.  God's way really is the way.  I never enjoy bringing you pain.  It is awful.  But in the end, we are honestly keeping you from more harm down the road. Again, not easy to talk about.  But important enough to give it some thought.

Love,
Mommy

"The rod and rebuke give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother."  Proverbs 29:15